Yesterday, I was reading some articles on Imposter Syndrome (or Imposter Complex), something I struggle with constantly, and came across an article written on Little Read Tarot. The guest writer mentioned the Chariot when talking about Imposter Syndrome and it really clicked. The Chariot to me is all about finding the will and drive when you feel you have none. Grabbing control of the wheel (or reigns) and getting shit done, despite the nagging notion that you may not be cut out for this task or job. Grin and bear it!
When I drew the Mars card this morning from the Secret Arcana for my daily draw, it reminded me of my own Imposter Syndrome and how I lack the drive and ambition to move past it on most days. This card also reminded me of the Emperor and King of Wands, as well as the Chariot. I feel like it's a good mix between these cards. You have power, ambition, will, and even some sexual energy tied up in there. I'm finding this is great energy to tap into when I'm doubting myself. We are our own worst critics and that often stands in the way of our personal success and even happiness.
Nothing brings me more joy than to write on my blog and talk about tarot, but guess what, you would have never guessed that since I don't post nearly anything I write. I tend to retreat to sticking with weekly readings and deck reviews, it's a safe zone for me. I can't even count how many draft posts I have just waiting in the queue that will never see the light of day. I have taken down posts in the past and even deleted drafts after spending hours upon hours writing them. All because I doubt myself as a writer and as a tarot reader. The voice in my head is constantly telling me that I don't know what I'm doing, who am I to share my thoughts on tarot? This also happens to me every morning when I go to share my daily card readings on social media. My intuition goes into full swing and I get excited to share my thoughts about the card I just pulled but just before I hit "post" I start to question my skills as a tarot reader. I end up doing a lot of edits before I share my card post on most days. I'm constantly holding my breath, just waiting for someone to comment "you don't know what you are talking about, that card doesn't meant that".
I think a lot of tarot readers struggle with this but I don't see it being talked about enough. Sure, I see it mentioned in Facebook groups here and there, but it's more of a quick comment to a post or a question. I've been reading tarot for going on 6 years now, which is not very long to comparison: some days I feel like the Fool and other days I feel like the High Priestess. We all have our good days and bad days as a reader, despite how long we have been reading the cards for.
This card, Mars, really gave me a sense of control this morning and gave me a boost to really face what I struggle with and bring it out into the light. All of what I have written here is exactly why I never post more on my blog and why I'm always adding "... I'll talk more on this in another post" to a blog post, and never do. Today, I set some intentions under the New Moon in Taurus and one of those intentions was: BE AUTHENTICALLY ME. This means be true to myself and honor my thoughts, even the owns I struggle to get out into the open.
Here's to me sharing more on the blog!